I love the 3-legged stool analogy. If one leg is a little short, the stool will be tipped to one side. If a leg is broken or missing, the stool will fall over. And so goes stress management. I believe there are three major components to a viable program for coping with stress.
The first component is Relaxation. We live in a frenzied world. We are continuously assaulted with noise and bustle, and we often – or almost always – feel rushed. Ask a few people if they feel that there are not enough hours in the day; most will agree. We are not taught how to relax. So we must LEARN how to let go, take the time, and just sit back. Relaxation is not the same as sleep. Relaxation is more active and involves certain routines to unwind the body and the mind.
Some relaxation techniques I will talk about in future postings are:
Deep Breathing
Muscle Relaxation
Visualization
Meditation
Yoga
The second component of stress management is Cognitive Restructuring. Most of us go through life focusing on the negative rather than the positive. I don’t understand exactly why, but studies have confirmed that most of us see the glass as ½ empty rather than ½ full. Your thoughts strongly influence your feelings.
If you are familiar with cognitive behavioral theory, you may have seen a diagram something like this one:
Event --> Feelings & Thoughts --> Behavior --> Consequences
Something happens, i.e. the event. Think flashing lights of a squad car behind you as you are driving home after a long day. Or maybe your boss wants to see you for an unspecified reason. The event triggers automatic feelings – maybe fear, anger or frustration. Then the tapes start playing; thoughts, which are also automatic, start flashing through your brain. Many of these thought are old tapes that are no longer useful to you, and many are counter-productive. In the 2nds scenario, your thoughts may be something like this: “Must be a problem with____” (Fill in the blank.) “I’m getting fired.” “How will I pay my rent/mortgage?” “What about my car payments?” Notice the escalation, the catastrophizing. So adrenaline is flowing, your stress level, your heart rate, your blood pressure are all on the rise. Your behavior and the resultant consequences are, of course, influenced by your anxiety and panic.
Now think about this: what if your thoughts going into this meeting are about being called in by the boss to be told you are getting the raise you so richly deserve. How different are your feelings, attitude and behavior?
The coping tool known as “reframing” is about proactively replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
The third component of stress management is Lifestyle Choices. While we may have no control over some events that occur in our lives, we do have options every day about how we live our lives and how we respond to events that take place. What are the choices you make that increase your stress, and what are the choices you can make that will alleviate your stress?
Remember – it’s not the quantity or even the quality of stress we experience, but rather our lack of coping tools, or failure to use those tools, that impacts our lives.
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